When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
