Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
