i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
