Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
