I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
