after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
