Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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