If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
