Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
