Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
