don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
