what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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