accomplished twins. life is a go
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
