i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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