I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
