I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
