Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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