got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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