So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
