This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
