Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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