my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
