Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
