Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
