Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
