I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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