So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
