Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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