like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
