the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
