at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
