did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
