this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
