you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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