I feel like abortions should bother me more
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
