What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
