sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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