I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
