I will die if light touches me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
