Pappa wants mamma naked
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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