I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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