My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
