The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
