The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
