No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
