i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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