She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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