FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
