so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
