I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
