Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
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