We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
