SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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