mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
